Friday Funnies

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by jackhammer91406, Aug 27, 2010.

  1. TruHart1

    TruHart1 Mister Congeniality of the Realm

    Blowjob
    A cute teenager is walking downtown and a guy whispers to him, "Blowjob, fifty dollars." He gives him a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another guy does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returns home is, "Dad, what's a blowjob?" His dad replies, "Fifty dollars, just like downtown!"

    [​IMG]

    TruHart1 :cool:
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2017
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  2. TruHart1

    TruHart1 Mister Congeniality of the Realm

    New Years Eve
    On New Year's Eve, Declan stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
    At the stroke of midnight, he wanted everyone to be standing next to the one person, spouse or friend, who made their life worth living.
    Well, it was actually kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death! :eek:o_O;)

    TruHart1 :cool:
     
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  3. TruHart1

    TruHart1 Mister Congeniality of the Realm

    Bride-to-be
    The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she
    said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."

    The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and
    respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."

    "I know how to fuck, mother," the bride-to-be interrupted. "I want you to teach
    me how to make a great lasagna."

    TruHart1 :cool:
     
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  4. TruHart1

    TruHart1 Mister Congeniality of the Realm

    [​IMG]

    TruHart1 :cool:
     
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  5. TruHart1

    TruHart1 Mister Congeniality of the Realm

    ...and a groaner for the punsters!!!
    [​IMG]

    TruHart1 :cool:
     
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  6. geminibear

    geminibear Viscount

  7. The poor puppy!
     
  8. geminibear

    geminibear Viscount

  9. rvwnsd

    rvwnsd Teller of "Like It Is"

  10. rvwnsd

    rvwnsd Teller of "Like It Is"

    [​IMG]
     
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  11. azdr0710

    azdr0710 "Old Timer"

  12. AdamSmith

    AdamSmith Count de Crisco

    Hold onto your eyeballs. :eek:

    [​IMG]
     
  13. rvwnsd

    rvwnsd Teller of "Like It Is"

  14. rvwnsd

    rvwnsd Teller of "Like It Is"

  15. rvwnsd

    rvwnsd Teller of "Like It Is"

    [​IMG]
     
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  16. whipped guy

    whipped guy Regent

    A quickie...

    Well the way I heard that basic joke it involved a catholic priest newly assigned to a parish. He decided to take a walk into town without his collar and was confronted by a woman who asked if he wanted a "quickie only 25 bucks" . Not knowing what it meant he ignored her. Then another woman asked him the same question. Then another!!!! Totally confused he thought to himself, "Hmmm... This must be woman stuff. I'll ask Mother Superior." He rings the convent doorbell and Mother superior comes to the front door. "Mother Superior, what's a quickie?" Her response, "25 bucks. Same price as in town!"

    Yes, totally tasteless... and the $25 banana price point dates how long it has been since I heard that joke!!!
     
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  17. AdamSmith

    AdamSmith Count de Crisco

    So the novice young nun escapes the convent, goes into town, walks into the liquor store and nonchalantly asks for a fifth.

    The counter clerk, somewhat taken aback, recovers himself and asks, "Uh...er...Sister, are you sure the Mother Superior will approve?"

    The nun leans close and whispers confidentially, "Actually, it IS for the Mother Superior. For her constipation, you understand."

    Clerk: "OH! Sorry! Say no more. Here you go."

    Couple hours later, at closing time, he locks up the shop, starts to walk down the street -- and right around the corner spies the young Sister sitting on the sidewalk, propped up against a doorstep, clutching the empty bottle and completely blotto.

    Shocked clerk: "SISTER! Look at you! And you said that was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"

    Very sloshed Sister: "But it is. When she sees me like this, she's gonna shit!"

    :rolleyes:
     
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  18. whipped guy

    whipped guy Regent

    Mother superior at the grocery: "I would like to buy 10 dozen bananas for the convent."

    Salesman: "If you buy such a large quantity, it is more economical to buy 144 of them."

    Mother superior: "Oh well, we could always EAT the other 24."
     
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  19. whipped guy

    whipped guy Regent

    Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says, "I've never come this way before."

    The second nun replies, "Must be the cobble stones!"
     
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  20. rvwnsd

    rvwnsd Teller of "Like It Is"

    [​IMG]
     
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